The first time I thought I was fat was on the bus in fifth grade.

My little thighs were spreading out and sticking to the brown vinyl seat that had, in places, been duct taped together.

It was a hot late spring afternoon and this was North Carolina. The windows were down to cool us off but I was more concerned about the size of my legs than anything else. 

In the past week I've done some meditations and journaling to get to the heart of my heart's desires. 

What do I really want? 

What do I desire that I'm barely aware of? 

Which of my desires are not really my true desires? 

How can I know?