I've let the Not Enoughs take hold in a variety of ways in the past few weeks, and I'm really stinking tired of it.
I know when I'm in the Not Enough doldrums when my material desires get out of control (take that $700 Zadig and Voltaire jacket), when I'm irritable (sorry Justin), and when I'm feeling like I'm not doing a good job on my client work (but really I am).
When this gets totes OOC like it did this week, I have an opportunity. The chance to remind myself of what I really desire.*
Here's my list of desires:
- Time to nourish my body by making healthy food and moving for fun and fitness.
- Time to journal.
- Time to do art (mostly collage and painting)
- Time to read good shit. And no, New York Magazine and the Economist don't really count.
- Time to write- for business and for pleasure.
- Time to spend time with friends and family and God.
- Time to spend in nature. Yeah trees and water!
What is most interesting about my desire list is that none of these really cost any money. The "things" that I want most of all are stone cold free.
And I think this case of the Not Enoughs came because I've been treating my time (and yes money) like a hot potato. I've been receiving it but not holding it lest my hands get singed. I've tossed it away as quickly as it's come to me without really taking time (hahaha) to examine what the best use of it would be.
Now, I want to focus on developing my capacity to hold the abundance (of both time and money).
And it took being laid up with a bloody foot, completely insulated from the bustling world outside my door, to realize that all I have is all I need.
Magical and freeing, no?
Living in a city that marries its chronic insomnia with a relentless pace, it's easy to get swept along. But hurry hurry is just another way to express Not Enough, albeit in a dialect that is well-understood and accepted in our era.
This week as I've been making appointments, I've been booking them for after November 18. One person asked if there's a reason I'm waiting til then.
I could write back about my foot, my client load, my wedding planning. And believe you me, I never thought I'd be one of those people booking four to six weeks out (I do value my spontaneity). But what I realized is that I don't want a compressed schedule. I don't want to pack things in and to hurry them up.
I desire space, freedom, the ability to be spontaneous and the allowance for an afternoon nap. And if that means we don't put anything on the calendar til January, so be it.
So, what's on your desire list? How achievable are those items?